25/5/2006
As some of you may already know, I quietly live a secret double-life. By day, I'm a regular Chinese businessman who knows naught about his own business. At night, weekends and state public holidays I'm an extraordinarily influential superstar internet DJ who creates taste-making and ground-breaking mixtapes listened to by millions every day. While I'm usually delighted when listeners leave positive feedback about my mixes, I'm not entirely sure what to make of this one comment posted recently.
So this guy got laid thanks to my mix. He's so happy with the results he posted the comment twice. I guess I should be proud that my mixes are helping people get laid, but that right there is the conundrum. I've done like eleven of these mixes now. But have they ever gotten me any action with the ladies? NO. No hot chick has ever come up to me and said, "Oh gawd, I love how you mixed Cannonball Adderley's 'Capricorn' right into Curtis Mayfield's 'Gypsy Woman' – f**k me now!" No supermodel has ever wrapped her arms around me, licked my ear and told me how much she loved Mass Distraction Sessions Vol. 6. Nothing. Zero. Damn.
Depressing as it is, I decided to channel my negative energy into positive creativity and wrote the following rap verse:
A'yo son, what the dilly yo?
What does a playa have to do to get him some hoes?
Eleven mixes up in this bitch
I should've been laid eleven times by now. Yo!
